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Muscle is created by repeatedly lifting things that have been designed to weigh us down. So when your shoulders feel heavy, stand up straight and lift your chin – call it exercise. When the world crumbles around you, you have to look at the wreckage and then build a new one out of all the pieces that are still here. Remember, you are still here.
The human heart beats approximately four thousand times per hour.
Each pulse, each throb, each palpitation is a trophy engraved with the words ‘You are still alive.’
You are still alive.
Act like it.”
I’m trying to memorize you.
I want to remember the way your eyes crinkle up at the corners when I make you laugh. The way you speak to me in Spanish when you want to say something that would embarrass you. The way you smelled like alcohol and Dolce and Gabbana cologne and smoke so sweet it’s intoxicating. The way we stay up all night talking about nothing and everything at the same time.
I want to remember the days that we woke up early just to watch soccer together. The wild nights that went spent at Circo and at the house parties, getting drunk off of vodka shots and each other. The day we ordered sushi and you told me about your dad and how much you loved him. The day when you told me that you really like me and are happy you met me. Last night when you made me look into the mirror with you so that we could really see each other.
I love that you tell me that I’m smart and beautiful. When you tell me that you like that I know what I want, it makes me feel like it’s true. I love that you like calling me Cara Lynn because it reminds you of your mom’s name, Carolina. I love the way this summer went. It was nothing like I expected, but I’m thrilled with how it ended up. I even love the way that things ended, with us spending the night together and you kissing me on the forehead when I left. It felt so perfect and so “us.”
I just hope you don’t immediately forget me. I want you to feel a little bit of the pain that I feel after leaving this country, knowing that I’m leaving everything behind and that things will continue to be without me. I want you to feel like I made some sort of impact on you. I want you to look back on this summer with the same attitude and fondness with which I will look back on this experience.
The reality is that I want you. But I’ll take what I had this summer because it was perfect.